


Raw Deal

by Tcharlatan



Series: Hard Luck [2]
Category: Dir en grey, Nightmare (Band), Penicillin (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Angst, Human Trafficking, Kidnapping, Knotting, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mental Instability, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Character Death, Multiple Orgasms, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Pheromones, Possessive Behavior, Rutting, Situational Humiliation, Topping from the Bottom, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-03-02
Packaged: 2017-11-28 19:57:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tcharlatan/pseuds/Tcharlatan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Never before in his life had Kyo resented the fact that he’d been born omega. He loved himself and his body, even found a certain thrill in the pleasure-pain desperation that came with his heats. But he had always taken exception to being taken advantage of, and he hated that it was so often all that people saw in him. And now… now, it was literally all that he was.</p><p>(AU - No prior familiarity with characters necessary)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kalamah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalamah/gifts).



> This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en Grey, Nightmare, or Penicillin, and do not profit from this work.

Hot water beat down from overhead, a soothing assault on sweaty skin stretched over sore muscles. After a long, hard workout spent listening to loud, hard music, the white noise and stillness of the gym’s empty shower room was almost invigorating, in its own way. So late at night, in the middle of the week, there wasn’t a soul in sight or hearing. It was peaceful in a way that so few things could be; like the air was easier to breathe, even laden with steam, and normally chaotic thoughts were quiet and still. _Everything_ was quiet and still. Feeling as though he was being cleansed inside and out, Kyo let out a content sigh and tipped his face up into the spray with closed eyes and the barest hint of a smile. Optimism surfaced here as well, every step he took toward improving his appearance bolstering his hope that one day his affections might be noticed and – gods willing – maybe even reciprocated. This was, in his opinion, the best way to start the day.

A leather-clad hand clamped over his mouth and nose and he cried out against it, eyes snapping open wide with shock. Panic ran through him like lightning coursing down his spine. He jerked back out of the water, slamming into a large body, reaching up to grab at the hand cutting off his airways, but its twin was already clamping around his upper arms, pinning them against his sides. Kyo bucked, twisted, shrieked against the restriction, lungs burning as confusion and terror burned through what oxygen he had left, but his assailant’s grip on him never budged. Another man stepped into view – big, alarmingly big, alarmingly apathetic – and pressed something sharp against Kyo’s shoulder, then yanked the elastic band holding his locker key off of his wrist and moved swiftly into the locker room. Kyo knew the kiss of a needle well enough that that little sting in his flesh sent frantic warning signs flashing in his mind, and he wailed his desperation against the leather smothering him, even as his vision swam and dimmed.

The instinct to survive was an animalistic force that replenished some of the strength that drugs and suffocation were stealing. Kyo was not weak. He was not a victim. He would not go down like _this_ , naked and wet in a goddamned shower room! He thrashed and kicked back until he managed to slam the heel of his foot up under his attacker’s kneecap, sending the man reeling off of him with a furious shout, and he took a choking gasp of air. The only thing at his disposal even approaching a weapon was his shampoo, but he grabbed the bottle, wrenching the top off and flinging gobs of it in the man’s face. His assailant snarled against the chemicals burning his eyes, temporarily blinded, and Kyo took his chance to run, slipping and scrambling on the wet tiles.

He made it as far as the thin-carpeted floor of the locker room before his legs gave out, limp and water-filled beneath him. He tried to crawl, tried to cry for help, but the men were on him again, grabbing him with bruising force, covering his mouth again as blackness spread from the back of his mind, threatening to swallow him whole, disconnecting him from his body. The last thing he registered with any sort of coherency was the taste of leather and the crunch of finger bones between his back teeth.

***

Purgatory began with waking up supine and naked on a dirty wood floor, arms bound together in full forearm cuffs, thin trails of blood and rusty smears of iodine on his inner elbow and low on his stomach. A towel from the gym had been torn in half, twisted up, and tied around his head to gag him, but once that was off, all Kyo could do was scream with every last molecule of air in his lungs. Panic and horror demanded nothing less. Over and over, for hours, he shrieked and howled and swore and banged his heavy manacles against the unyielding door to his tiny prison. He screamed until a terrifyingly cold-eyed man flung open his door, roaring at him to shut the fuck up, and he screamed at that man until a taser was jammed into his neck, and then he couldn’t scream because his bones were trying to vibrate their way out of his body and his muscles were locked in rigid spasms.

This happened twice more before he learned to keep quiet. The third and final time, he caught sight of a hypodermic gun coming at him, but a second man stopped the first, telling him not to risk it. Telling him that Kyo would be worth too much when the off-season came around. The man with the gun looked pissed, but he just tased the blonde again – long enough that he could smell his own skin cooking – and left him twitching on the floor. His neck burned insistently for ages afterward.

Every day was the same after that. Just enough tasteless food to keep him alive, regularly scheduled bathroom breaks under his handlers’ watchful eyes, and hours spent curled up on a dirty mattress wallowing in dread. Through the door, he caught snippets of ominous conversations, the words ‘buyers’ and ‘heat’ and ‘merchandise’ and ‘auction’ hitting his heart like shards of ice as he started to put together an unbelievable picture of what was going on. At the end of the first week, he got a shower – manacles removed, standing in a cracked tub under freezing cold water with a bar of cheap soap and a beta guard standing watch – and a roommate. The new arrival was a smaller omega, like Kyo, and when he woke up, he was all big, watery eyes and horrified quivering. Kyo thought of him as a frightened rabbit, and part of him was a bit guilty about how happy he was at first to have a warm body to cuddle up to and keep him from being quite so alone. He soon found, though, that the boy hadn’t the mind to do anything but cry, and wound up being little comfort.

“I’m going to be raped, aren’t I?” was the only thing the other ever said to him, hours into the first day, after Kyo told him all that he knew about their situation.

Kyo didn’t say anything to that. He thought the same, of course. The fear of sexual assault was always present in the back of an omega’s mind, the first worst-case scenario to surface when in a less-than-safe situation or when a heat threatened to set in early. That boy was gone within three days, just when he started to take on the first faint hints of the warm, exciting smell of an impending heat, and Kyo watched him go with a heavy heart. That night he thought of the tall, sweetly-awkward beta with a heartbreaker smile that he’d so giddily entertained hopes of giving his own virginity to, and wept for his fate. Another boy was brought in a few days later, and after the first time they tased him for screaming demands for freedom, he crammed himself into a corner and sobbed hysterically. He wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t drink, wouldn’t let Kyo anywhere near him; just grabbed fistfuls of his own hair and lost his damn mind. When he was taken out some days after, still sobbing and pleading, Kyo was bitterly relieved to watch him go.

Another week passed, he got a new roommate, and this one was by far the worst. He grabbed at Kyo, shook him, demanded answers as if the blonde were somehow responsible for what was happening. Kyo gave him all the information he had, and for a while, the other omega was caught in a stunned silence. Then he started screaming. No words, just screaming and scrabbling frantically at the door with a feral sort of desperation. After a couple hours, the betas came in and tased him. When he recovered, he went back to screaming, and was tased again, and when he started up a third time, they came in with a taser and a hypodermic gun, using each in turn. And for a while, he was quiet and complacent on the floor.

Then his breathing started to go shallow. Then it started to slow into strained, wheezing puffs, and his lips took on a terrifying blue-purple tinge. His body went tense and shuddery, the skin over his stomach seemed to quiver unnaturally, and he stared up at the ceiling with wide, unseeing eyes, pupils all-but gone. Bile foam bubbled up out of his mouth, spattering out with a couple of sharp coughs, and all Kyo could do was huddle in a ball on the mattress and watch on in horror. By the time one of their keepers came to deliver dinner, his eyes were clouded over and he had been dead for hours, and Kyo was just staring at his body in shock. The beta only swore – irritated, like one might be if a pet made a mess on the carpet – and dragged the corpse out by the manacles binding its arms. A few minutes later, Kyo moved automatically to collect both meals, and ate them numbly.

After that, he found that he couldn’t stand the touch of his captors, and would freak out every time one of them reached for him. Most of them started just following close behind him to get him to and from the bathroom once they realized he would go there on his own, only handling him when his cuffs needed to be removed for his infrequent showers, and an uneasy truce was established. One was a little slower to accept the change; the one who had a splint on two of his fingers for a while, and who had almost drugged Kyo early on. He was particularly disdainful of the blonde, and not in the least hesitant about tasing or manhandling him, but even he stopped pressing the issue after a while when Kyo proved otherwise compliant.

His fourth roommate was his favorite. He came in kicking and screaming and swearing, but after Kyo explained the situation to him, he calmed down right away. Well… maybe it was more _shutting_ down than calming down, but either way, he was quiet, and he let the blonde cuddle up to him like his first roommate had. He tried so much harder to be strong than the others had, and Kyo fed voraciously from that strength, wrapped it around himself and wove it into his own shield of bitterness and anger. The few times he did break down and cry, Kyo couldn’t stand to be near him, and moved as far away from him as he could without leaving the mattress, staring resolutely at the floor until the sniffles, sobs, and hiccups quieted. Kyo got to keep him for over a week, until he started to smell warm and was taken away.

Days, weeks, and months began to blur together from there. Other omegas came and went one after another, all of them wearing heavily at his soul as he watched their dreams for the future _die_ when he told them what was happening. He did his level best not to get attached to any of them, not to get to know them and to just take as much comfort as he could from their physical presences while they were around. That way it wouldn’t hurt quite so badly when they were taken to their inevitable doom.  Some of them screamed, some of them fought, some of them sank into empty despondency. All of them cried. A small handful were drugged into silence, and kept drugged for the duration of their stays; one more overdosed and died. Kyo didn’t remember his name, but he remembered that he got two dinners that day, and went to sleep with a full stomach. The deeper it got into the spring breeding season, the faster he went through roommates, and the further he sank into despair.

Never before in his life had he resented the fact that he’d been born omega. He loved himself and his body, even found a certain thrill in the pleasure-pain desperation that came with his heats, and he could quietly admit to himself that when he saw people walking around with babies, part of him looked eagerly toward the day when he could create a tiny life of his own. But he _had_ always taken exception to being taken advantage of. When a bully at school had grabbed at the scruff of his neck, trying to catch the cluster of nerves there that would immobilize him, Kyo had felt utterly violated, even after he broke the kid’s nose. When his boss told him that they hired young omegas to do their night stocking because the residual smell made alpha shoppers just that tiniest bit more likely to buy their product, Kyo had been physically sick with anger. He was fine with being an omega, but he hated that it was so often all that people saw in him.

And now… now, it was literally all that he was.

Every day, he thought to himself, _‘I am going to be sold to some rich alpha – probably an old, fat one who can’t get  a mate any other way – and held down and raped and impregnated and used. Because I am an omega. “Kyo” doesn’t matter. I am just a body. I am a novelty. I am merchandise.’_ It ate away at him, because it was all he could think about for nearly five straight months in captivity, all the while being treated like he was somehow so much less than human. He was constantly lonely, constantly hungry, constantly filthy, and as summer settled in and new roommates stopped coming, he became consumed by his own bitter hopelessness.

***

It was early July when Kyo was finally taken out of his room for something other than a bathroom break. He’d been alone for weeks – hadn’t spoken or been spoken to since his last roommate – and when the beta handlers came to lead him outside to the waiting van, he was the only one loaded into the cargo area. It was stuffy and overheated and he hadn’t been on his feet for more than a minute or two in so long that he could hardly stay standing, only kept upright for the duration of the long trip by virtue of the hook on the wall that his manacles had been attached to. He had no concept of how long he dangled there, sweaty and light-headed from the muggy heat, struggling to keep the dizziness from turning into nausea with the constant motion swinging him around. By the time they came to a fully stop and someone came to let him out, he was so grateful for the fresh air that he didn’t put up a fuss at the betas touching him to keep him standing steady. Not right away, anyways.

He let things pass him by unnoticed – hallways, lights, people; all clean and unnervingly austere – until he could recollect his scattered wits and remember that _something very bad was about to happen_. It was earlier than he’d expected, and he didn’t feel ready. Even with very little grasp of what day or even which month it was, he knew that he was more than the week or so away from his heat that all of his roommates had been given. He started to twist and pull at the hands gripping and guiding him, but was sharply cuffed upside the head for his troubles, at which point he realized that the betas handling him now were not his usual keepers. New place, new people, his routine and his mattress and his room all gone and he didn’t like any of it. He was tossed carelessly into a large steel cage and immediately disregarded by his escorts. Legs tired, struggling to breathe properly through his rising panic, Kyo fell to his knees and clutched the bars in front of him, never having felt more like an animal than he did in that moment.

There was something unbearably claustrophobic about being in the cage and being able to look out at the people holding him captive, something so much worse than his secluded little room had been.

The betas milled about, quick and purposeful but perfectly, surreally self-assured in their illicit business. A group of them argued in a hush – some of them Kyo recognized, others unfamiliar – and it seemed like it must be about him, because they kept gesturing towards the cage. Two more omegas joined him shortly after, and he tried to go to them, to take comfort from them because he’d been so lonely for so long, but they were too upset. They must have been captured only recently; still relatively healthy looking, still frantic and frenzied, still convinced that their begging and threats and bargaining would get them anywhere. Part of him resented them for it. He was scared too – terrified, really, had been dreading this moment for _months_ – but he was constantly aware of the tasers at their keepers’ sides, and he knew that they didn’t consider him human enough to give his words any consideration. There was no point in fussing now, so he wanted them to stop and just let him press against them, just a little. He ached for the comfort of simple, undemanding touch.

His relative compliance proved to be his undoing. When some unseen, unheard cue rippled through the room and their keepers came back to the cage, he was the first to be pulled out. He tried to keep them from touching him, feeling his stomach quiver at the unwanted contact, but they dragged him along all the same. There was a brief moment of relief when his arm cuffs were removed, and even the chain loosely wrapped around his neck to keep him from running off wasn’t too uncomfortable, but when a whole group of strange betas descended on him, he couldn’t hold back his panic. They were touching him – scrubbing him, manipulating him, _grooming_ him – everywhere, from every direction, and he thrashed against them wildly, overwhelmed. He wanted to scream, but before the sound was even halfway up his throat, death-clouded eyes and bile foam oozing past purple lips flashed in his mind, and all he could produce was a strangled wail. By the time he was clean and dry, with a soft white cloth wrapped around his hips to shield his privates from easy view, his bathers were soaked and fully fed up with him. New manacles were slapped onto his forearms – much finer than his old ones; soft on the inside, lightweight, and better fitted to his wrists – and he was hustled out in front of a single guard.

So single-minded was his focus on _not_ being touched, so desperate was he to get the beta’s hand off of his arm, Kyo almost considered it a victory when his escort released him to stumble forwards. Then he looked away from the man and saw his surroundings – saw the massive mirrored walls circling him, realized that they made no sense at all unless they were one-way windows – and understood that he was on the auction block. His reflection was horrifying all on its own, having not had access to one for so many months. His skin was deathly pale and his hair had grown out to the point that it was more black than blonde, yellow tips just clinging stubbornly to the ends now nearly brushing his shoulders. Much worse, though, he’d been given just enough food to keep from becoming skeletal, but his sparse diet combined with his lack of activity left him a soft, slender ghost of what he’d once been. He looked like a frail, frightened teenager and the thought that anyone would buy him looking like _that_ was somehow so much worse than if he’d looked like his usual self.

“-eighteen years of age, can be quite feisty at first, but with firm guidance and consistent handling, has proven to be perfectly trainable. He would do well in a collection, physically affectionate with other omegas and quick to adapt to change, and for those looking for a more decorative addition, his pain tolerance is proven by the body modifications he’s already undergone. He is in perfect condition and don’t let his compact frame fool you; this little omega’s summer-winter heats promise to pack a big punch! As always, we’ll let you sample the merchandise and determine if he is to your tastes before bidding begins.”

Kyo’s eyes went wide at the word “sample,” and when he heard the sharp snap of metal moving, his stare shot up to the vents above the mirrors. The vents that were now _open_. He caught the faintest, barest hint of alpha scent on the new breeze, heard fans start to power up, and did the first thing he could think of to protect himself. He tucked his head down, took a deep breath of yet-untainted air, and clamped his hands over his nose and mouth. His body had always been overreactive around alphas, and he did not want to be undone, not here, not like that. The beta that escorted him grabbed his wrists almost immediately and he whimpered, shaking his head frantically, trying to keep his face covered, but the man was so much larger, so much stronger than he was. His arms were yanked up over his head, a harsh pinch to his side shocking a cry out of him, and with his airways reopened, he was _bombarded_ with mating pheromones.

It was like the cargo hold of the transfer van all over again; stifling heat flooding his body and dizzy static fuzzing up his mind with every gasping breath. The men on the other side of the glass – the men considering _buying_ him, he tried to remember, tried to focus on his anger – were numerous and freshly, openly aroused and the smell of their want for him made his blood race hot and heady. It kept coming, a steady assault on his sanity and self-control, and some instinct he couldn’t name or control drove him to his knees. He was allowed to fall, allowed to whine and press his flushed cheek to the cool tile floor, arms braced at the elbow in front of him. Presenting, he knew, but he couldn’t make himself move when the pheromones flared and he could _see_ in his mind’s eye the fight for dominance that this moment represented; the fight over who was stronger, who was better, who got to _claim_ him. He clenched his hands into fists, hating the alphas wanting him, hating the betas peddling him, hating his treacherous body playing into their schemes, hating that he had no control or hope left.

“Though he is an off-season breeder, this omega has unfortunately been classed as gold-level merchandise as he is healthy and virginal, but we have been unable to definitively verify his fertility. As such, we are starting the bidding at a much-discounted one hundred and seventy-five thousand credits.”

 _That_ registered through the chemical buzz in Kyo’s head like lightning flashing through rain, and his mouth fell open in silent shock. He was being sold – his innocence, his freedom, his entire life – at a _discount_? Because he… gods help him, because he might be… _infertile…?!_ The prospect of being barren hurt him in places he didn’t know existed in his heart, and he felt like utter garbage, subjugating himself on the floor as if he were begging these faceless, heartless men to forgive his imperfection. He felt a tear trickle down his nose and curled in on himself, hiding his face against his arm with no small amount of effort. At least his grief quashed a good part of the excitement the pheromone hot-boxing had stirred up. Words flew over him, too fast to follow and unable to touch the depths he sank to in his mind, and when they finally closed out the bidding with a sickening tone of congratulations, a full-body shudder was his only response to being physically dragged out of the room.

He was dimly aware of being lead down another hall, into a small, over-bright room with a table and folding chairs in it. The chairs were not for him, though; he was hooked again to the wall by the short chain between his forearm cuffs, and this time it was mounted high enough up that he had to press down the balls of his feet to keep a harsh strain out of his shoulders. His escort left him, and for a long time, he hung there silently. Half an hour into his brooding, another beta came in holding a thick file folder, tossing it carelessly onto the table and leaving without a word or a glance. Kyo hadn’t wanted attention from the man – had dreaded it even – but somehow, the disregard snapped his final thread, and he allowed himself to cry, fully and deeply the way he hadn’t since this whole ordeal had begun. He cried for what felt like hours, what very well could have _been_ hours, and when he finally stopped, it was only because he’d fallen asleep, utterly exhausted. Three times, he stirred – once to the murmur of voices and the sight of two men bent over paperwork, once when someone was jostling him into what felt like the backseat of a car, once when his body was enveloped in something warm that smelled faintly of alpha and lifted – but he was simply too drained to do anything other than close his eyes and sink back into unconsciousness.

***

Kyo’s sleep was unfailingly fraught with nightmares anymore. In waking hours, his mind was clearly and specifically flooded with his fears for the future, his resentment for the present, and his mourning for the past, but in sleep, it was a barrage of horrific, nonsensical images. Once, a man in a blood-spattered labcoat dangling a pocket watch turned into himself, trapped at the bottom of a dilapidated well, standing in a pool of eerie blue water. Another time, he saw his own face, decomposing until his teeth and muscles and tendons were visible where skin had sloughed off, then it flashed to pools of green vomit filled with writhing maggots. He never knew what any of them meant, and they left him shaking and anxious more often than not, but he understood them to be as much a part of his life now as the weight of steel cuffs on his arms and the apathetic disregard with which he was handled. This time he was standing next to a child-sized cockroach playing on a wooden rocking horse, cagily watching a stream of fire run along a line of gasoline on the floor to fill the room, when discomfort tickled along the back of his consciousness, drawing him out of his slumber.

It took a moment to figure out what was waking him up, to separate what he was “feeling” in his dream from what was happening to his real body, but the instant Kyo realized it was someone _touching him_ , his eyes snapped open and he jerked upright, looking about himself in alarm. He was in a bed – good, yes, the mattress was his safe place – but it was clean, piled with brand new sheets and blankets and pillows, unfamiliar and overwhelmingly _not_ _his._ Maybe not so good? Movement drew his attention to someone he didn’t know, kneeling next to the bed, hands still outstretched from where they’d been _touching_ him, and he scrambled backwards away from the stranger until his back smacked into the wall, and even then he kept trying to press back. His gaze skittered wildly from side to side, trying to make sense of what was going on, to find something familiar. The room beyond the man was too big, too cluttered with furniture, too bright with sunlight flooding the space from windows on two walls. Not his. Not safe. _Not_ good.

“Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” the man said, looking surprised.

Kyo’s eyes snapped back to the man and stayed there this time. He could only see him from the chest up, but he tried to take as much from that as possible. Long arms, slender enough but not overtly toned. Pale, unblemished skin. Shoulder-length black hair, in a trendy cut that partially obscured one umber eye. The face didn’t make sense to him, seemed off somehow – almost childish, round and soft with a doll mouth – and he glared at it apprehensively. It was faint because the man was calm, but at this distance, Kyo couldn’t mistake his scent for anything but alpha.

“Umm… hi! I’m Ruka, and I’m-… umm… I’m your-… I mean… I, you know… bought… you?”

Kyo growled a bit at the announcement – sheepish and inelegant as it had been, as if the bastard actually had the sense to be ashamed of buying another human being on the black market – but didn’t move otherwise. He wasn’t really sure what was happening here, or how to react to it. Apparently he’d been moved to his new owner’s property while he’d been sleeping, but “Ruka” was not at all what he had been expecting when he’d learned he was being auctioned off; too young, too skinny, way too awkward, not domineering or sadistic-looking in the least. Where was the fat, old alpha who bought omegas because he couldn’t get one any other way? Because he wanted something to abuse and defile? But maybe Kyo was wrong. Maybe Ruka was trying to trick him, to get him to lower his guard. Or maybe some rich bastards had bought him for their spoiled, gawky son. Or maybe Ruka was fucking _insane_ and this was just the calm before the shit-storm.

Ruka shifted side to side, looking around, then smiled (that was what was wrong with his face, Kyo realized; it wanted to smile) and gestured to the room. “This is my house! Or, our house now, I guess? This is your room, I got it all set up with everything you might need, except I guess I still need to go get you some clothes now that you’re here so I can get your size! And that door over there is your bathroom, and my room is upstairs, and the kitchen is down the hall, and the living room is right across from here, and there’s a backyard but I haven’t really been taking very good care of it so it’s kind of crazy right now but it’s still pretty nice if, you know, you like that kind of thing?”

Kyo was leaning towards the latter explanation. Slightly-breathless rambling was not a trait he’d ever really associated with alphas, but it could definitely come from crazy. He didn’t move, didn’t speak, and didn’t look away. Just maintained his steady glare.

Ruka’s face fell a little at the complete lack of response, and he scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. “Ah… so your name’s Tooru, right?”

Indignation flared white-hot in Kyo’s chest and he snarled abruptly. Technically – legally – Tooru _was_ his given name, but the only people who called him that were his family and childhood friends. Which is to say, no one ever called him that. His voice came out rough with anger and disuse. “ _Don’t ever call me by that name, you fucking rapist pedophile.”_

Ruka jerked back a bit, alarmed. “I-… what?! No! I’m not… I don’t… I’m not either of those things!”

Kyo scoffed. “Did you see me before you bought me?”

“Well… yeah, but-”

“Did you buy me with the intention of fucking me?”

A faint, nervous blush. “I-… umm… well, yes, but-”

“Then you are a pedophile and a rapist, because I look like a fucking twelve-year-old right now.” Kyo’s laugh then was purely derisive, dark and ungainly as if he’d forgotten what a laugh was supposed to sound like. “Unless you thought I would ever have sex with you willingly? If so, you’re an idiot as well.”

“I’m not!” Ruka protested, flustered. “You’re eighteen! …Right?! They said you were eighteen, and there was a picture of you that looked older! And I never even touched you! I mean… I did, but it was only your wrists, because they were hurt and I didn’t want them to get infected, and I’m not an idiot, I’m a _doctor!_ Or at least, I will be soon!”

Oh, that’s right. Kyo’d woken up because this bastard was _touching_ him. He blinked and looked down at his wrists, bare now of the manacles he’d been wearing for so many months. They felt bizarrely light and naked now that he was thinking about them and he realized that he’d been keeping them together in front of him purely out of habit. He couldn’t remember how he used to hold his arms when he wasn’t using them. Marring the pale flesh were several sores along his forearms from friction, unsanitary conditions, and lack of air on his skin, but far more concerning were the rings around his wrists where the sharp edges of the cuffs had worn through his flesh. He’d kept them as clean as he could with his limited showers, but every movement of his hands and arms had opened and reopened the wounds over and over. Now, in decent lighting, they definitely didn’t look good.

“I still need to put the antiseptic cream on them,” the alpha added softly.

Kyo scowled and folded his arms against his chest, tucking himself further against the wall. “No.”

“They’ll get infected! They might already be!”

“I don’t care. Don’t touch me.”

“They’ll scar!”

“I don’t care, I don’t want you or anyone else touching me, ever!”

Ruka bit his lip, looking worriedly between his tube of wound dressing ointment and the omega staring him down. “Well… well, could you put it on them, and then let me wrap it?”

Kyo hissed, “ ** _I don’t fucking want you or anyone else fucking touching me, ever!_** ”

Ruka held up his hands. “I won’t! I’ll just wrap the bandage and tape it down. That’s all, I promise.”

Kyo only scowled, so Ruka set the ointment on the blanket and nudged it over to him with all of the care one might push a peace offering toward a snarling dog. The omega hesitated, waiting until the other man’s hands retreated before picking up the tube. He kept a wary eye on Ruka as he scrutinized the label on the ointment, then turned to his side and tucked into the wall to carefully rub the cream into his sores and the raw rings around his wrists, wincing at the heated ache of the latter. Ruka was keeping a careful distance, but had risen up on his knees, craning his neck to try to watch what Kyo was doing, fidgeting worriedly with a roll of clean bandages. He looked honestly concerned, and Kyo wondered if he was just upset at the prospect of his new pet already being permanently damaged.

“Can I wrap it?” Ruka asked. Kyo glared at him, and he gave his most earnest, hopeful smile. “I promise I won’t touch you. I’ll only touch the bandage, and I’ll do my very best not to hurt you at all.”

Kyo looked back down at his wrists. He didn’t want to be touched, that much he knew for certain. But his wounds definitely needed to be kept clean, and he sure as hell couldn’t wrap them properly himself. But he _really_ didn’t want to be touched. Flexing his fingers a bit, he wondered absently why Ruka was negotiating with him at all. Certainly in his condition, and with the alpha being larger than he was – by how much, he couldn’t say, since the other man was still kneeling, but he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that his buyer was quite tall – anything Ruka wanted to happen, he could make happen, and Kyo would have no choice but to suffer through it. As things stood now, he still clung to some small illusion of control over himself and the situation he was in. If he put up too much of a fuss, that illusion might be taken away from him, and nothing – absolutely _nothing_ , not even the memory of death-clouded eyes and bile foam on purple lips – terrified him more than the thought of being physically pinned down under another man.

Slowly, Kyo stretched out one arm, eyes narrowed warily and fixed hard on Ruka’s hands. The alpha held his breath, like he’d just been entrusted with something incredibly fragile and irreplaceable, and set to wrapping the bloodied ring. He was slow and focused and careful, and true to his word, he never once let his fingers touch any part of Kyo’s skin, even when the effort of holding his arm fully extended made the omega’s hand shake badly. He smiled when he was finished with both wrists, but Kyo just folded his arms against his belly again and stayed where he was against the wall, and Ruka deflated a bit. He fidgeted with what was left of the bandage roll for a minute, then leaned down and picked something up off the floor by his side; a tray with a single, large bowl, a spoon, and a glass of what looked like cold tea.

“I, um… I made you some rice porridge. I’m kind of worried about upsetting your stomach with anything too complicated after whatever diet you were on before now, so it’s only got a little bit of chicken and green onions in it,” he explained, sounding a little uncertain.

Kyo wasn’t listening. Not even a little bit. All he could focus on was the food and the fact that he was so hungry and there was so much of it and the meat pieces in the porridge actually looked like _real meat_ and he was so _fucking_ hungry. He stared at the tray as it was set on the bed and nudged over towards him, but he didn’t pick it up, not yet. He wasn’t far enough gone to stoop to eating for this alpha’s amusement like a damned zoo animal. Close, it was oh-so-very close, but not yet. Whatever it was Ruka wanted from him – and honestly, the fact that he still wasn’t sure what that was was probably the worst part of the situation at the moment – he didn’t want to give up easily.

Ruka hovered for a minute, then stood (and Kyo noted with no satisfaction that he’d been right; the man was _damn_ tall). “I guess I’ll let you get settled in… Umm… if you need anything, I’ll probably be in the living room. It’s just right across the hall, so… you know…” When he got no answer, he breathed a quiet sigh and moved toward the door. He opened it, then hesitated and looked back. “What… what can I call you?”

Kyo only stared at him, eyes still narrowed. Ruka waited for a minute, then left, shutting the door quietly behind himself. Kyo wanted to wait a minute or so to make sure the man was truly gone, but he’d honestly met up with the end of his resolve on the issue, and dove into the bowl of porridge the second the latch clicked. It was slightly cold and way too thick after having sat for so long, and once upon a time he may have found it horribly bland, but now, after months of what may as well have been reconstituted cardboard, he thought it was the best damn thing he’d ever tasted. He took his time eating it, savored every bite and fished out every last grain of rice out of the bowl. And it did upset his stomach – it was significantly more food that he was used to eating all at once at this point, and even the tiny trace of broth and green onion was rich for him – but not enough that he couldn’t keep it down.

Slightly too full, nestled in warm blankets on a soft bed, arms free and clean, Kyo curled himself into the corner and settled in to wait for the other shoe to drop. He didn’t know what would possess anyone to spend hundreds of thousands of credits on a scrawny, malnourished, underage-looking omega who, as he recalled, was possibly infertile. _Dysfunctional_ , he thought. _Broken_. He was sure that it was nothing good, no matter how much better his situation seemed at first glance. He’d spent the past five months imagining a very specific outcome to his kidnapping and subsequent imprisonment, and so far, the reality was absolutely nothing like what he’d expected, so now he had to reexamine the facts. Just because Ruka looked at him and negotiated with him and spoke to him like a human being, it didn’t invalidate the fact that Kyo was only here because the alpha had purchased him like _livestock_. Nothing could.

Closing his eyes and going very still, he focused on gathering up everything he knew, turning each piece of information over and over in his mind to look at it from every possible angle.

At midday, Ruka came back, interrupting his musing. He cracked open the door and peeked in first, entering only when he saw that Kyo was still awake and alert. Another food tray was balanced on one arm, and he seemed oddly happy to find the one from the previous meal empty. “Oh, you did eat! Did you like it?”

Kyo didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. All he offered was a grumbled, “Better than nothing. I guess.”

Again, Ruka’s face fell a bit, but this time he seemed determined to catch and keep his smile as long as possible. “Well… well, if you want something different, let me know, okay?”

Kyo watched the new tray sink slowly into the bedspread, then looked back up to maintain his vigilant glare at the alpha. It was much, much easier to resist the food in favor of obstinacy this time. And a vindictive side of him that he felt not so much as a shred of guilt over was starting to register just the tiniest little thrill of victory every time something he did disappointed Ruka.

“After lunch, do you want me to show you the rest of the house?” the alpha tried, looking somewhat hopeful. “Or we could watch a movie or something in the living room?”

The thought of being out in the open in an unfamiliar place with the alpha made Kyo shiver involuntarily and he scowled in response, tucking himself tighter against the wall again. “No.”

Ruka’s eyes widened just a little at the reaction. “Oh, no, don’t-… I’m not going to hurt you, you know, I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to stay in here!”

Kyo huffed and risked a minor gambit. “…Go away.”

“…What?” Utterly lost.

“I want you to go away. You said this is my room. _You_ said.”

“It is! It’s just-… I thought we could-…” Ruka floundered for a moment.

“No. Go away.”

The alpha looked sad, but eventually complied, and Kyo went absolutely lightheaded at the tiny victory. He couldn’t believe it had actually worked… maybe – he just barely dared to hope – maybe he really did have some control over this space, over _his_ room? He liked the thought of that. It made him feel safer than he had since this nightmare began, returned to him just the barest shred of power, and with that giddy feeling running through him, he felt bold enough to move away from the wall to eat his lunch. It was rice porridge again, this time flavored with small bits of fruit and a faint hint of honey. He liked it even more than the last; couldn’t remember the last time he’d tasted something sweet. When the dishes were picked clean and he was full again, he set the tray on the floor, then hesitated there, staring over the edge of the bed. The floor of his room was a grey carpet that looked soft and clean. Slowly, carefully – with a wary eye trained on the door – he slid his legs around to tentatively touch his toes to the carpet. He stayed that way for quite some time before shifting his weight forward and standing.

Centimeter by centimeter, Kyo examined _his_ room. Curious fingers trailed over every new surface, tugged open every drawer to peer inside, learning and memorizing and claiming every furnishing in turn. When he reached the window, he pressed his palms against the glass and looked out into an enclosed yard, wild with untrimmed bushes and rampant vines. It was pretty, but the light hurt his eyes, so he turned away. Next, he crept through the open door to the attached bathroom that Ruka had said was also his. He felt stressed in here – too far away from the safety of his bed, unable to keep watch over the door – but he still took the time to familiarize himself with the space. For the first time in months, he used the toilet of his own volition, without someone standing over his shoulder, and he almost laughed out loud at the thrill of it. The sound of running water seemed too loud, spooking him into rushing back to his bed as soon as he was cleaned up, but nothing ever came of it, and he savored the feeling of having a _sanctuary_.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Three days into his stay, Kyo had the routine figured out. Ruka brought him food three times a day; always rice porridge, but flavored with different things each time. He usually tried to talk to Kyo as well, and sometimes the omega would give him a one- or two-word response – purely derisive each time – before telling him to go away. It was a command the alpha had bizarrely respected every single time, and every time, it bolstered Kyo’s confidence just a little bit more. Before dinner, Kyo would take the longest, hottest showers imaginable, until every last drop of warm water was spent. After that, Ruka would bring him more ointment and wait for him to rub it into his wounds before wrapping his wrist in fresh bandage, always meticulously careful not to touch his captive’s skin. Kyo was sure to remind him each time, in a sharp warning hiss.

Three days into his stay, Kyo did not have Ruka figured out. The alpha was always asking questions – did Kyo like his food? Did he need anything? What could Ruka call him? Did he like the colors in his room? Did he like books? – always with the same hopeful smile. Kyo didn’t understand why. What did it matter, what he liked? He was nothing but an _omega-body-novelty-merchandise_. Why should Ruka care what he wanted, or how he felt, or who he was? Why did he seem to want Kyo’s approval so badly? Kyo wanted to keep taking things from him, but at the same time, didn’t really like how happy Ruka seemed to be to give. 

The third day, Ruka showed up an hour late for lunch, but he was slightly out of breath and had countless department store bags hanging off of him from wrist to elbow. Clothes, he managed to explain. He’d gone out and bought Kyo clothes. And he wondered – with so much hope Kyo almost halfway considered it for a second – would Kyo want to try them on, maybe? The thought of being someone’s dress-up doll pulled the dirtiest look imaginable onto the omega’s face, though, and Ruka dropped the issue quickly, looking more disappointed than ever. After Ruka left, Kyo did root around in the bags, and found that the alpha had a fairly sharp eye for such things, because it all fit surprisingly well. Being dressed felt exceedingly strange, and even after spending the rest of the day in jeans and a tee-shirt, the weight was a distracting tickle all around him.

Now, he sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor. Ruka had turned in for the night, he knew; had been in his own room for almost an hour. The whole house was oppressively silent and Kyo wondered… He was always wondering anymore, it seemed. But every time he told his captor to get out of his room, every time he stated in no uncertain terms that he did not want to be touched, every time his demands were inexplicably _met_ , he had gotten a little braver. Now, clothed, he felt almost human again. He stood and made his way to the window, looking out into the backyard. At night, pure white flowers bloomed along the vines strangling the rest of the garden, and he thought to himself that they were like a beautiful blight on everything around them. Turning – decisively, before he could reconsider – he made his way to the door, grabbed the knob, and twisted. It was unlocked. He stood there for a full minute before opening the door slowly. It hung gaping and he swallowed, feeling his throat tighten and pulsate with his racing heartbeat. The first step out almost scared him back to his bed, the smooth hardwood in the hallway startlingly cold under his bare feet.

But he kept going. He wrapped his mind around the tiny victories he’d been accumulating and the food and clothes and freedom and comfort that made him almost real again and fought back panic. Didn’t think about the scar burnt onto on his neck or the feeling of his bones trying to vibrate out of his body. Didn’t think about overdose corpses warning him to comply or pay the price. Just took one halting, hesitant step after another and tried his level best not to hyperventilate. He went the wrong way at first, ending up in the kitchen and dining area. It was clean and pretty and had door that opened out into the back yard, but he already knew the backyard was fenced in. Turning back the other way, he found the living room just a short distance from his own room, on the other side of the hall. If he’d ever had any doubts in his mind that Ruka was just inexcusably wealthy, they were banished by the living room furniture and electronics. He passed by without going in. At the end of the darkened passageway, he found his goal.

The knob on the front door was cool and solid and _powerful_ when he wrapped his hand around it. He took a deep breath-

“Don’t go.”

-and nearly puked, the voice behind him was so surprising. His entire body went rigid as he waited for Ruka to attack him, to punish him for straying out of his room and daring to try to leave. Somewhere nearby, a clock was ticking, and its steady rhythm only served to emphasize how rapid and erratic his pulse was. When nothing happened, he risked a glance over his shoulder. Ruka was a fair distance behind him, wearing only a pair of boxers and a sad, worried expression. Not coming after him, not moving to attack him. Just watching. Kyo turned his attention back to the issue at hand and twisted the knob sharply, yanking the door open. The heat and humidity of summer still lingering at the late hour poured over him.

“ _Please_ ,” Ruka added, taking a step forward, sounding almost afraid. “Please, you’ll only get hurt.”

Kyo froze again. What did that even mean?

“The people I bought you from… they’ve been doing this a long time, and there’s a reason they haven’t been caught yet. They sell to, to people in law enforcement and in the government and in the highest ranks of corporations… every auction comes with a guarantee that any omega that runs away will be ‘taken care of,’ to protect the buyers. I don’t know what they’ll do if they find you, but… I don’t… I don’t want you to get hurt…”

Kyo’s head dropped, and the urge to throw up resurfaced. “…You would report me to them? Even if I didn’t go to the cops?”

There was a long silence before a defeated sigh whispered between them. “No. But if they found out… they’re everywhere, and you know too much, if they found you… Please, _please_ don’t go.”

Once upon a time, Kyo may have thrown caution to the wind and taken the risk. He wasn’t certain why, but he believed Ruka when he said he wouldn’t turn him in, and there was always the chance that if he kept silent and didn’t do anything to expose the black market flesh trade he’d been made a part of, he might be able to try to reassemble his life in peace. But the thought of being captured again… the thought of leather gloves over his mouth and needles in his arm and helplessness and terror and pain… What if they didn’t even give him the mercy of killing him outright? What if he was locked in that barren room for another six months? What if he was sold again? To someone worse than Ruka? The dread he’d carried for so long weighed him down, like an anchor firmly seated in that bed down the hall. Here, he was almost human again… with no resources of his own, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t become a hunted animal the second he stepped foot outside of Ruka’s protective ownership.

Kyo’s hand – his arm, his entire body – shook as he slowly shut the front door again. Something thick and heavy and horrible was pooling in his stomach and he didn’t know what it was but he hated it. With the door shut now, cutting off the bittersweet path to freedom, he felt at once trapped and exposed. He was cornered, just as he had been for the past five months, but now it wasn’t _his_ corner, and anxiety nipped viciously at his heels. He huffed and turned fully, giving the alpha as wide a berth as possible to get back to his room. It was humiliating in a way, and he was trying to only be angry, but despair was a suffocating constriction around his throat and he couldn’t control his rising panic. Ruka watched him – saw the tension riding his slight frame, saw how his skin shivered and limbs quaked, saw him press against the wall to slide past – and took a step back to give him a little more space. The omega was quick to duck into the doorway to his room then, at once grateful for the distance and spooked by the movement. Just passing the threshold, he felt he could breathe easier.

Ruka’s voice was soft behind him. “Is it really that bad here? Am… am I really that bad?”

Kyo stopped and turned, one hand gripping the edge of the door tightly, and stared at Ruka for a long moment. He couldn’t find the proper answer, even though he felt he _should_ know it, and it only served to make him angrier. Ruka put forth every possible indication of being considerate and respectful, and he had thus far failed to live up to any of the horrifying, abusive, and degrading expectations Kyo had built up while in the holding facility. But he absolutely could not believe that any man willing to _buy_ another human being could do so with good intentions. It was too confusing, so he simply growled, “I’m tired of rice porridge. Make me something else,” before slamming his bedroom door shut.

Later that night, as he slept, he dreamt of a nightclub with flashing lights and dancing people. He was seated in a corner booth, a low table cluttered with drinks in front of him. Movement on the other side of the table caught his eye, and he lifted his gaze slowly to find the barrel of a pistol a hair’s breadth from his forehead. Holding the gun, he recognized the man he’d once cared for so deeply, had once so optimistically imagined being with and so idealistically romanticized giving his innocence to. But he didn’t care for that man anymore. He only recognized the smell of beta and snarled like a cornered animal. The man’s face remained perfectly impassive as his finger tightened around the trigger, and Kyo woke up with his cheeks streaked with tears.

***

The next morning, Ruka showed up at breakfast time with dark circles under his eyes and a slightly-lumpy omelette. Kyo kept his eyes averted, scowling, but when the plate was set on the edge of his bed, he didn’t wait for Ruka to leave before picking it up. The alpha looked a little surprised, and when Kyo actually took a bite of food in his presence, he looked inexplicably happy. It was plain – unfilled and only slightly sweetened – but Kyo did like omelettes, and was oddly reassured by the fact that his demands were still being met, even after his indiscretion the previous night. Ruka asked if he liked it, Kyo mumbled halfheartedly that it was stupid-looking, neither of them mentioned the aborted escape attempt, and the matter was settled.

Two more days passed. Kyo’s arms healed slowly, and Ruka apologetically informed him that the rings around his wrists would probably scar. The meals Ruka prepared became more varied and less bland as Kyo’s stomach readjusted to accept real food again, and the omega’s scathing commentary dwindled, which Ruka seemed to take as tacit approval. Kyo started leaving one of the windows in his room open while he slept to let the warm, muggy air from outside carry in the smell of the night-blooming flowers. Ruka started lingering silently at the side of the bed when he dropped in rather than asking questions, finding that he got kicked out less quickly when he did so.

Kyo’s need to take long showers never diminished. He had to stand with his back to the wall, facing out to ensure no one was sneaking up on him, but the feeling of warm water and being _clean_ was a luxury he simply couldn’t get enough of. The evening of the fifth day, he lingered until the water started to run tepid before stepping out, drying off, redressing, and sitting on the bed to wait for Ruka to bring him dinner and check on his wrists. Everything just the same as always. He fidgeted for a while – plucking at a loose thread on his blanket, running his fingers through his hair as it dried and thinking to himself that he should find something sharp to cut it back with – before it hit him that Ruka wasn’t coming. The alpha wasn’t _gone,_ like the time he’d been late for lunch because he went clothes shopping; Kyo could hear the television across the hall. He just wasn’t coming, and Kyo found himself bothered by the lapse in the routine. Frowning, he slid off the bed and went to the door leading out of his room, opening it just a crack and peering out. After a moment, he realized that the voices trickling out of the living room weren’t coming from the television when he recognized one of them as Ruka’s.

Kyo wasn’t sure how he felt about the knowledge that company was over. He didn’t like that his idiot alpha was chit-chatting with strangers instead of bringing him dinner and worrying about his wounds. He was curious about who had come over, equal parts nervous that they might be betas involved with the auction ring and agitated that they might be someone new entirely. What if they were here because they’d found out somehow that Kyo had tried to escape? What if Ruka was trying to return him, because he wasn’t whatever the fuck it was that the alpha had wanted when he bought him? Oh, but then, what if it was some kind of law enforcement, investigating Ruka’s involvement with the underground flesh market? What if it was just random friends who had no idea Ruka was keeping a prisoner here, and he’d simply lost track of the time while catching up? Too many possibilities, too many conflicting reactions to each one.

It occurred to him that his first thought sounded an awful lot like jealousy over Ruka’s attention, and he _really_ didn’t like that.

Scowling, he crept out into the hall, keeping his steps small and slow as he moved to the entry to the living room and peeked around the corner. Ruka was sitting in the middle of one of the couches, elbows resting on his knees and face buried in his hands, looking exhausted. Across from him, two men sat together. One was turned to the side, facing his companion so his back was to the door; all Kyo could see was an average body type and shoulder-length black hair. The other was facing Ruka, sitting back with his ankle resting on the opposite knee, paging through a file folder propped up in his lap. Kyo immediately disliked him; tall – too tall, like Ruka, only much more imposing – with a sharp, serious face, a crisp suit, and an infuriatingly arrogant voice.

“-even know what to tell you. It really looks like he would have done better as part of a harem, if he bonds so easily with other omegas and is ‘aggressive and mistrustful’ with everyone else. They explicitly recommend firm and physical handling, and I _know_ you’re not doing that. With all the auctions you’ve gone to, how is it you wound up bringing home the one the absolute _least_ suited to you?”

Ruka sighed and shook his head against his palms, “I don’t know! I just… I just saw his picture, and then I saw _him_ and he was… he was so different from all the other ones. He was so small and skinny and scared… but he wasn’t broken or crying. They were talking about his pain tolerance and what a good _decoration_ he’d make, and I couldn’t-… I just…”

“You paid off-season prices for a rabid dog because you felt sorry for it,” the condescending stranger finished bluntly.

Kyo’s fingers tightened on the doorframe, furious and humiliated all at once. Ruka’s head came up, frowning as if he were going to speak in his defense, but the man with his back to the door beat him to it. His torso jerked to one side, and the cocky one grunted and winced like he’d just taken a very sharp elbow to the ribs.

“Omegas aren’t _animals_ , Hakuei! Gods, you’re such an asshole sometimes.”

That voice… Kyo’s anger and affect faded abruptly to wonder, and suddenly all the other words crossing the room fell upon completely deaf ears. He _knew_ that voice, he was sure of it, and more than that, he knew it with a fond feeling. He couldn’t place it exactly, but whoever it was, he had cared about them at some point. Carefully, he came around the corner and edged his way down the wall, trying to get a better view of the third person. Ruka and the asshole were too busy arguing to see him, but the smaller man had turned to lean forward, reaching for a glass of cola on the table, and he caught the movement off to one side. His head snapped up and sharp eyes widened as they met Kyo’s anxious stare, an angular face registering surprise, but not recognition. Kyo recognized him, though, and his chest grew tight as he took one unsteady step away from the wall.

“Spooky…?” His voice, though soft with disbelief, abruptly silenced Ruka and Hakuei.

Spooky – _his_ Spooky, _his_ former roommate who had given him so much comfort and so much strength for eight short days all those months ago – went from confusion, to comprehension, to shock before breathing out, “No fucking way… _Kyo?!_ ”

Kyo made a noise halfway between a laugh and a sob and rushed to the couch, crawling onto the other omega’s lap and wrapping him in a death grip, face buried in his shoulder.

“Kaoru? You know him?” Hakuei (an alpha, Kyo realized now that he was closer) wondered.

“Is that his name?” Ruka asked at the same time, leaning forward eagerly in his seat, “Is that your name?”

Kyo wasn’t listening to the alphas, couldn’t care less about them even though Hakuei’s proximity was setting off warning bells in his head. His entire body shook as he clutched Spooky/Kaoru to himself and breathed him in, reveling in the physical contact he’d been deprived of for so long. It was familiar and safe and wonderful and he thought to himself that it was the best thing he’d felt in ages. Something about Kaoru’s scent seemed a little less-than-familiar – not bad, necessarily… almost calming, somehow – and he was trying to sort it out when he realized that the other omega’s once-slender frame was actually pushing back against his midriff. He pulled back just barely enough to look down at the bulge in the front of Kaoru’s shirt and sniffled, confused.

“You got fat,” he complained.

Kaoru laughed a little and shook his head. “I got pregnant.”

“Twins,” Hakuei clarified smugly.

“I didn’t even recognize you! You look so-…” Kaoru trailed off with a frown, bracing his hands on Kyo’s shoulders and looking past him at Ruka. “You got him last week?”

Ruka only nodded, unsure if he should be happy that Kyo was out of his room, or worried that the omega was so obviously attached to another. “Yeah?”

Kaoru’s face crumpled with horrified sympathy and he pushed Kyo’s hair out of his face with one hand. “Shit… were you in that same room the whole time?”

Kyo made a face and huffed, nodding. “All of my other roommates were awful…”

“Fucking hell, Kyo…” Kaoru breathed, pulling the smaller omega back against his chest and holding him close.

Kyo was fine with that. He’d forgotten how much Kaoru swore when he was upset. It had an odd sense of sentimentality to it that he found almost funny in a way. Behind him, Ruka gasped quietly and made some alarmed noises about dinner, rushing out of the room, but Kyo was fine with that too. He knew he was safe with Kaoru. Although the strange alpha that had been talking about him earlier was still nearby, still upsetting… It occurred to him that he’d be even safer if he was in _his_ room with Kaoru, and he pulled back, standing in front of the taller omega and tugging on his hands. He had his mouth halfway open to invite his friend when Hakuei interjected coolly.

“Hmm… I guess I can see what he meant. You are pretty sad looking.”

Kyo indignation flared once more at the reminder of Hakuei’s earlier analysis of him, his voice scathing as he snapped, “Yeah, well, there’s no accounting for the tastes of rapists, pedophiles, and idiots.”

Hakuei raised an imperious eyebrow, standing to loom and look down his nose at the smaller man. “You should be more grateful to Ruka. There aren’t many alphas who would pay that much money for such a sickly omega, let alone tolerate one that’s such a snippy little _bitch_.”

“Hakuei-…” Kaoru started to scold, frowning.

“‘Grateful’?! It’s not on me to be ‘grateful’ for being reduced to a goddamn plaything! Broken or not, I never fucking asked to be here; _he’s_ the one who had to buy an omega on the _black market_ instead of attracting a willing one!” Kyo smacked the file folder out of the alpha’s hands, temper flaring as he pointed an accusatory finger. “Rich pieces of shit like you think you’re strong, think you’re in control, but you’re just _pathetic, overgrown children_ , screaming to be _given_ things you can’t _earn._ ”

Kaoru was starting to get worried. “Kyo, don’t-!”

Hakuei bristled, grabbing a fistful of Kyo’s shirt and hauling him close to snarl in his face, “Yes, you _should_ be grateful, because anyone else would have beaten you and put you in your place like the dog you are by now! Ruka’s too good a man to have to put up with a nasty piece of shit like you!”

Kyo cried out – partially in shock at the sudden handling ( _touching_ ), partially in outrage at the sheer insult of it – and lashed out with the first thing he could get his hands on. His arm was too weak, and the ceramic was too thick, so the vase didn’t shatter when it collided with the side of Hakuei’s face, but it did make a very satisfying sound, and it was enough to send the larger man staggering back with an infuriated shout. Kaoru was on his feet, reaching out and moving to intercept before the situation got any worse, but he was too slow to block Hakuei’s retaliation. The alpha charged forward, knocking Kyo back against the wall and wrapping one large hand around the back of his neck, squeezing down hard enough to bruise. The omega’s eyes went wide with panic and terror, his entire body going rigid and paralyzed underneath him until he was held upright only by virtue of the hand scruffing him. He felt weak and trapped and violated and all of the things he’d never wanted to be, but as hard as he tried to fight it off, his body would not move and his voice would not scream.

“Someone ought to _put you down_ , you know that?” Hakuei hissed in his face, eyes near-black with rage, “You’re nothing but a scrawny, vicious little bastard and you aren’t even a reliable breeder, so what the fuck good are you to anyone? You should be on your goddamn knees, _begging_ for Ruka’s approval, because he is far, _far_ too good for a garbage omega like you.”

“Hakuei, stop it! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Kaoru demanded, pulling on his alpha’s arm.

“Go sit down, Kaoru,” Hakuei snapped back, not breaking his stare.

“No, you can’t just-… Ruka! Please, I can’t stop them-”

There was a lot of noise and a lot of movement all at once, and Kyo couldn’t follow any of it. One moment, Hakuei was in his face, scruffing him against the wall, and the next, he was crumpled on the floor with Ruka standing protectively over him, and Hakuei was halfway across the room cradling his face angrily. Kaoru just stood there, hands on his swollen belly, looking shocked.

“Ruka, what the fuck?!” Hakuei snarled, hands parting to show blood pouring over his mouth from his nose.

“This is _not_ your house, Hakuei!” Ruka snapped, pointing down at Kyo, “And he is _not_ your omega! I swear, I will break your goddamn arms if you try to touch him again!”

Hakuei jerked to his feet, shoving at Ruka’s shoulders with both hands. “Well you sure as hell aren’t keeping him in line! He hit me with a goddamn vase; he’s fucking crazy!”

“Shit…” Kaoru breathed, ducking past the quarreling alphas to help Kyo back to his feet. “Come on, let’s get out of here. They’ll have an easier time working this out if we aren’t around.”

Kyo knew Hakuei was almost certainly on edge with his expectant mate in another alpha’s house, and his own impending cycle was just becoming evident enough to bring out the more dominant sides of both taller men. Still, the sight of Ruka actually, legitimately _angry_ left him shaken, almost more than the argument and the scruffing. It was all just too overwhelming. He only nodded, staggering across the hall with Kaoru, ducking into his room and shutting the door behind them before scrambling onto his bed to huddle with his back to the wall. Kaoru sat with him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and letting him cling onto him again. Through the door, they could still faintly hear the alphas shouting and knocking eachother around.

Kyo’s voice wavered as he asked, “How can you _stand_ him?!”

Kaoru sighed, running his fingers through the smaller man’s hair. “He’s not all bad. He… has some ideas about omegas…” A wry chuckle, “He definitely has some ideas. But… I don’t know, he can be very sweet when he’s not posturing. He makes me feel safe and special.”

Kyo huffed, “That’s just hormones. It’s only because you’re pregnant.”

Kaoru thought about that, then shrugged a little. “If I feel it… doesn’t that make it real? When my body tells me I’m hungry, I trust that it needs food. When it tells me I’m hurt or sick, I trust that I need medical care. When I’m around Hakuei, I feel precious, like he’ll protect me and take care of me forever, and since we settled things after the first week, he’s never given me reason to doubt that. He can be an arrogant bastard, and he says some pretty dickish things sometimes, but I just make him sleep on the couch and he brings me breakfast in bed the next day to apologize. We actually get along really well.”

Kyo shook his head, tucking his face against the other’s side. “He bought you at an auction like a damn curio. And he’s a cocky prick. You deserve better than that.”

Kaoru chuckled, “Well, thanks, I appreciate the sentiment. But I _am_ happy, crazy as it may seem.”

They sat together quietly for a while then, Kaoru gently petting Kyo while the younger man slowly, slowly relaxed enough to breathe normally and stop shaking. After a while, they realized that things out in the living room had settled down as well, and for that, Kyo was immensely thankful. His stomach had done weird, floppy things when Hakuei scruffed him, even though he wanted to be nothing but angry at the son of a bitch, and when the two alphas started fighting over him, the feeling had intensified drastically. It worried him. His next heat was only a week away, and he had no idea how he – or more importantly, _Ruka_ – was going to react to the circumstances. Somehow he’d managed not to think about it much before now, but suddenly he found himself dreading his next pass through the mating cycle. He tried to just focus on the comforting smell of the pregnant omega next to him and not the vast slough of unpleasant things this night had brought to the surface.

All the stress and panic came back when his door swung open and Hakuei was on the other side, now sporting half a dozen bandages and massive, red proto-bruises all over his face. Kyo bristled and backed further into the wall, his grip on Kaoru tightening. “No! Go away! This is _my_ room, _Ruka_ said this is _my_ room and I don’t want you in it so GO AWAY!”

Hakuei looked exasperated, shooting a frown down the hallway. “ _Honestly_ , Ruka, you gave him his own room?!”

“I thought he’d be more comfortable if he had his own space…” Ruka’s voice came from out of sight.

“You ought to be-… ugh, forget it.” The alpha rolled his eyes and looked back into the room, staying at the threshold and raising his arms. “Alright, I’m not in your room. Calm the fuck down already. Kaoru, do you want to stay here for dinner, or pick something up on the way home?”

Kaoru snuck a faint wink at Kyo, rustling his hair before sliding off the bed and heading over to his alpha. “Take me to McDonalds? I want three Big Macs.”

Hakuei’s glance flashed ever-so-briefly to Ruka and Kyo before he crossed his arms sternly over his chest. “You don’t need three hamburgers, Kaoru.”

“Yes I do! And I want fries and soda. And those gross apples that come in a plastic bag.” Kaoru turned in the hallway, leaning to whisper something to Ruka that Kyo couldn’t hear, smiling at the taller man before moving past his Mate towards the front door. “And I want McNuggets, too.”

Hakuei scowled and followed after him. “You can have _one_ Big Mac combo meal, and we can stop at the grocery store for an apple.”

“Three. I need _three_. One for me and one for each of _your_ babies. And fries. I’m so _hungry_ , Haku…”

Kyo frowned at the wheedling tone of Kaoru’s voice as it faded out of range. His friend really did seem comfortable with his egomaniacal bastard of a Mate, and the thought that Kaoru could manipulate Hakuei into doing anything… it just didn’t fit with any of Kyo’s views of the situation. He didn’t have much time to think on it, though; shortly after he heard the front door open and close, Ruka’s head came peering around the corner. The alpha had his fair share of bruises and small cuts as well, plus his bottom lip was split on one side, but he didn’t seem all that concerned about tending his own injuries. Moving slowly – almost tentatively, as if he were worried about getting attacked somehow – he came to the side of the bed and set down a tray with a glass of iced tea and a plate of curry rice. When he wasn’t immediately rebuked, he settled into his normal sitting position next to the bed, resting his chin on his arms on the edge of the mattress.

“I’m sorry…” he said softly, looking morose, “I’m so sorry for… for all of that. I’m sorry I forgot your dinner and I’m sorry Hakuei said the things he did and I’m sorry he-… I really didn’t think you would come out of here, or I would have told him you don’t like to be touched.”

Kyo ignored the food for the moment, hugging his knees to his chest instead and wishing Kaoru were still there. “…I doubt that would have stopped him.”

Ruka flinched a little. “Hakuei… is from old money. You know, his family has been rich and powerful for generations upon generations. He’s always been very prideful. But, ever since he got Kaoru…” A small, wistful smile tugged at his lips, “I’ve never seen him so happy with his life. And Kaoru… he just _glows_ , you know? Even with… how they met, and all that, they always seem to complement each other so well.”

Kyo cocked his head a bit, considering that. Ruka had gone to the auction after seeing how Hakuei had benefited from his ill-gotten Mate, then? And they were over tonight because Ruka needed advice on dealing with his unruly omega… Kyo shuddered at the notion that Ruka might be considering any of Hakuei’s recommendations. The thought of being scruffed again – of being grabbed and immobilized and helpless – made him physically sick. But then… Ruka had protected him, hadn’t he? Unless he was just angry that someone else was touching his property. No… there was more to it than that. Ruka had protected him, had _fought_ for him (against a larger, more dominant alpha no less), had defended his right to a personal space, had even apologized to him for what transgressions he felt had lead to the whole incident. The ball was in his court again, and for now, as far as he could tell, Ruka hadn’t changed the rules.

Reaching out steadily, Kyo tugged the thin cloth napkin out from underneath his plate and unfolded it. He fished some ice out of his glass of tea with his fingers, and poured them into the center of the napkin, then twisted the whole thing into a ball. Ruka’s eyes went wide, his whole face slack with wonder as the impromptu ice pack was pressed ever-so-lightly against the swollen split in his lower lip. His hand came up automatically to hold it in place, and Kyo’s retreated before they could make contact.

The omega looked away first, scowling at his own gesture. “…I’m tired. I want to go to sleep now.”

“Oh… alright.”

Ruka tried not to look too disappointed as he stood and made his way back towards the door. He paused there, just as he had when they’d very first met, and looked back over his shoulder. It took him a moment to build up the courage to speak, deciding for and against several times in turn before finally managing to murmur, “…Kyo?” It hovered in the air between them, laden with unspoken hope and uncertainty.

Kyo fixed his gaze on his dinner, slowly drawing the tray towards himself. “…Yes?”

And he couldn’t see the smile on Ruka’s face, but he could hear it in the alpha’s parting “Goodnight.”

He didn’t respond. He ate his dinner absently, barely even tasting it, before padding into the bathroom to clean up. The day’s events had left him utterly exhausted, body and soul. But later, when he curled up under the blankets, he found sleep was eluding him completely in a way it never had before. He knew why. The way his chest ached, hollow and yearning, the way his arms clutched a spare pillow to his chest like he would drown without it, the way his eyes stung and the way his bed felt too big and the way the room was too silent. He was lonely. He was so goddamn lonely it felt like his body was being eaten away by poison. Worse than that, some horrible part of his heart was wondering… what if Hakuei was right? About everything? Kyo knew he was starved and sickly, he was bitter and mean, he refused to be touched, he-

_‘-aren’t even a reliable breeder, so what the fuck good are you to anyone?’_

He whimpered, curling tighter around the pillow. Why had Ruka spent so much money on him? Of all the omegas he could have bought, why _him_? He didn’t know. The more he turned over the day’s/week’s/months’ events in his head, the more he realized he didn’t know anything anymore. What to think, what to feel, what to do, what to want. It filtered through him slowly, wrapping itself through his insides and filling him with sickening emptiness. And when dawn’s first light began to trickle through his window, he was still lonely, still struggling to make sense of himself and his life, still crushed under the weight of that all-consuming _nothing_.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

When Ruka came in the next morning, Kyo was sitting slumped on the bed, staring at the floor with shadowed and bloodshot eyes. The alpha was plainly worried, asking fretfully if Kyo was hurt or sick, reaching out as if to touch the smaller man in concern before catching himself and aborting the gesture halfway through. But Kyo only shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t even want to be thinking about it anymore. He wanted to pretend the day before had never happened, that the next day wouldn’t bring him that much closer to his heat, that nothing had changed. He wanted to focus on their daily routine, because it made sense to him. It was safe, simple, familiar; he _understood_ it. Ruka chewed his bottom lip, clearly unable to let go of his concern, but he allowed the issue to drop and maintained his careful distance, for which Kyo was deeply, deeply relieved.

No matter how he tried to ignore them, though, his thoughts found him restless throughout the day. He thought about Ruka; Ruka who was rich and an alpha – though a not-particularly dominant one – and considerate and not unattractive, but for some reason felt the need to purchase an omega. He thought about Hakuei; an archetypal smug alpha, with sharp eyes providing the fuel for his sharper tongue, yet who seemed to regard biological imperatives and drives above all else. He thought about Kaoru; an omega to the core but never one to be cowed by adversity, somehow finding some measure of satisfaction and control in his life even after everything had been taken from him. He thought about himself; skinny and feral and bitter and broken. None of it fit. Nothing made sense. He paced for hours, tugging on his hair with one hand and swallowing a hundred frustrated screams and craving with every fiber of his being for someone to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. Ruka looked increasingly worried for him every time he visited, and that only upset him more.

Night came too slowly, and found Kyo near-delirious with exhaustion. Even lying in bed, curled up and swallowed by blankets, his bones felt too heavy for his body to have to contain. Simply _existing_ was too tiring to bear. But sleep was like the coyest of lovers; teasing him all throughout the day, making him want, making him ache with need, only to spurn him the moment darkness fell. He couldn’t think anymore, his mind just a constant static buzz of ‘ _why-who-why-when-why-what- **why?** ’_ and loneliness chewed at his every nerve.After nearly an hour of fruitless shifting and twisting, the omega let an angry dry sob escape into the pillow before sitting up. His eyes hurt and he rubbed at them futilely as he slid off the bed and padded his way to the door, slipping out into the hallway without hesitation. Ruka was already in bed; the whole house was still and silent. The stairs did not creak or groan when he climbed them, movie posters were tastefully framed up the walls of the stairwell, and the upstairs was significantly warmer than the downstairs. Kyo couldn’t care to notice any of those things.

Ruka’s room was larger than his own, though not by a lot, and every available surface seemed to be stacked with textbooks, medical journals, science and health magazines, and loose papers. There were three massive, extraordinarily detailed anatomical illustrations on one wall; a generic alpha’s organs, muscles, and skeleton portrayed on the left, a beta’s in the middle, and an omega’s on the right. In the dark, Kyo couldn’t tell them apart but for their labels. Ruka’s bed was big, and when Kyo came to stand at the foot of it, he found that even the unreasonably tall alpha seemed too small, off-center in the twisted mess of blankets. He stared, searching, at the man who had purchased him, who had put up with his anger and neurosis and taken care of him with inhuman-seeming patience. There were no answers to be found in the slack face, or the disheveled mess of hair around it, but the loosely-curled hand resting on the pillow next to it seemed to be reaching… for what?

Kyo was being quiet, but for all that he made no sense, Ruka possessed just as many animal instincts as any other warm-blooded man. He roused slowly, eyes blearily peeking half open, until he caught sight of the dark figure at the foot of his bed. There was a shout and a rather undignified scramble to sit up, back slamming against the headboard, one arm flailing out to turn on the lamp and knocking half a dozen cola bottles off the nightstand in the process. Kyo flinched away from the sudden flood of light with a grunt, rubbing his eyes and squinting as he fought to adjust.

“ _Oh, gods, it’s you!_ Holy shit! Hoooly shit. Ohhh, fuck, you scared the crap out of me…” Ruka breathed when he recognized him, slumping back against the headboard to pant in relief. He took a moment to drag one hand over his face and try to settle his pounding heart, before he seemed to realize how bizarre it was that Kyo was in his room, and he sat up again, looking worried. “Oh, are you okay? Did you need so-”

“Do you think I’m a rabid dog?” Kyo interrupted, his voice driven by the force of his desperation to understand.

Ruka looked taken aback. “What? No, of cou-”

“Do you think I’m a broken, pathetic wretch? That I need your pity?!”

“No!”

“Then what am I to you?!”

“You’re just-…” Ruka huffed and shook his head, trying to wake up enough to choose his words carefully. “…I think you’ve been treated badly for a very long time. I think that you built up defenses against other people in order to survive whatever it was they did to you, to _keep_ yourself from breaking, but it’s not who you really are.”

Kyo scowled and drew himself up. “How the fuck would you know who I am? You don’t know me, and you didn’t know me when you bought me! Why? Why me?! When you could have anyone, why would you _buy me?!”_

Ruka deliberated for a long moment, chewing on his bottom lip, before coming to a decision. He leaned over to pull open a drawer in the nightstand and drew from it a single, heavy sheet of paper. He spared a second or two to look it over before turning it and holding it out to Kyo. The omega took it with a frown that quickly faded to confusion. It was a photograph of himself, taken just before he’d been captured; standing in an empty white tile room, eyes closed and face turned up into the water pouring over him, the faintest smile on his lips. It wasn’t the best quality picture – slightly blurry and a little bit overexposed, with no eye for composition – but even so, he looked strong and healthy and serene in a way that he had completely forgotten he used to be.

“I almost thought there had been some mix-up, when you first came out. You looked so different… yes, you were skinny and you were scared and you were in pain, but you were still fighting, and I thought… I thought someone who could go from that,” he gestured to the photograph, “to what you were that day and still be standing… would have to have a very resilient soul. I wanted to take care of you, so you could be strong again and I could… be part of it.”

“…” Kyo lowered the picture slowly, unsure. “I’m not like Kaoru. I never have been, and I won’t ever be.”

Ruka shook his head. “I don’t want you to be. Kaoru is too… _sly_ , for me. He knows how to use his words and his body to manipulate alphas and he does it – I’ve _seen_ him do it – really well. He’s a wonderful person, and I think he’s exactly what Hakuei needed, but… I’m tired of being manipulated.” He pulled his knees up and crossed his arms over them, resting his chin on one wrist. “I just wanted someone who would be honest to me. Not to flatter me to my face just because I’m an alpha and my family has money. When I saw your picture, and when I saw you, I just felt like you could be that person.”

Kyo shifted his weight, glancing down at the photo again, almost longingly. “…What if I can’t? What if, even if I used to be capable of any of that, it’s all been ruined, and this is all I can be anymore?”

Ruka waited until Kyo looked up, making sure their eyes met before he answered firmly, “I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again. I can’t change what happened to you, and I know that I participated in something horrible – that I helped perpetuate it regardless of my intentions – but whether or not you’ll have me as your Mate, I’ll do everything I can to keep you as safe and happy as I possibly can.”

Kyo sucked in a breath, feeling like he’d been hit in the chest. The word ‘Mate’ was heavy, bouncing around inside of him and knocking against all of his empty corners. He wanted it. No, he amended indignantly, his _body_ wanted it. His _body_ wanted a provider to nest with, wanted to be taken care of, wanted to be held. Wanted Ruka to not look so damn lonely in his overlarge bed, reaching out in his sleep for something that wasn’t there. And even with his mind in denial, even blaming his body and his hormones, he thought that if he went back down to his own room and his own bed, his chest would fill with blood and sorrow and he would drown in it. And as much as he hated it – as much as he wanted to hate it – he knew what he was going to do, what he’d come up here for besides answers.

“…Lay down,” he ordered, quietly, voice quivering just a little bit with anxiety.

Ruka blinked, but obliged slowly, settling onto his back. He looked uncertain, but oddly trusting.

Kyo wavered side to side, then moved around to the other side of the bed. His hand was shaking when he lifted the corner of the blanket. “Don’t… don’t move. Please, don’t move.”

Ruka nodded, eyes going wide with wonder as he figured out what was happening.

Slowly, wrought with tension and looking ready to bolt at the slightest provocation, Kyo crawled into the bed. He crossed the empty expanse of sheets and settled into a curl against Ruka’s side, his cheek and one hand on the alpha’s chest, his leg half-hitched over one lean thigh, and his tremors increased for a moment when it felt like electricity was passing through every part of them that touched. The taller man’s scent wasn’t comforting the way that another omega’s might have been, but was still oddly familiar, and Kyo realized he’d been carrying it around on the bandages that used to protect the wounds on his wrist. Though lacking the sharper odor of antiseptic ointment, it still spoke of healing and safety and care, and Kaoru’s voice echoed unbidden in one ear.

_-‘If I feel it… doesn’t that make it real?’-_

Kyo didn’t know. The harsh edge to his voice did nothing to strengthen his excuse of, “Your bed is nicer than mine. …Keep your hands to yourself.”

Ruka’s response was quick, and almost breathless. “Of course.”

Kyo picked his head up a bit to look up at the alpha. Ruka looked… happy. Happier than Kyo had ever seen him – eyes bright, cheeks pink, lips pressed tight together to keep a wide smile from becoming a full-fledged grin. He frowned. “What are you smiling about?”

Ruka glanced down at him and flustered a bit. “Oh, ah… nothing, I just… umm… I was just remembering a really nice dream I had.”

All Kyo could think was that this must be the first time Ruka had ever lied to him, or else the taller man was a _phenomenal_ actor. “What dream?”

Ruka just sighed and smiled up at the ceiling, whispering, “…One where I wasn’t alone anymore.”

Kyo didn’t know how to feel about that either. He didn’t know what was real or right anymore. He only knew that now, wrapped tightly against Ruka’s side, he felt warm inside, and when the alpha didn’t try to grab onto him or roll him over and pin him down, he was able to gradually relax into the sheets. In a matter of moments, he was dead to the world. Ruka stayed awake a few minutes longer, just watching his impossibly volatile omega sleep with the faintest expression of awe, guiltily giving into the urge to brush a stray lock of hair away from a face he’d never seen so peaceful before reaching out very carefully to flick the lamp off.  

***

That night was the first in so many months that Kyo slept without any dreams or nightmares. He woke slowly, loose and languid and just a little too warm, curled up in a tangled mess of sheets and blankets with his face buried in Ruka’s pillow. The alpha was missing from the bed, but in the morning stillness, Kyo could just barely hear the clinking and muffled thumps of food being prepared. He was glad for that, though. Even though he felt a little pang of loneliness for waking up in an empty bed, he wasn’t sure how he would have reacted to waking up next to Ruka. Sitting up, he rubbed one eye and yawned, arching to stretch his back into place. Halfway through the motion, he caught sight of the photograph of himself showering, moved at some point to a safer spot on top of the nightstand from where he’d dropped it the night before. He paused for a moment before reaching out and picking it up to look at in proper daylight.

The image didn’t really feel familiar anymore, didn’t feel like he was looking at himself. He got up and padded into the large bathroom attached to the master bedroom, sparing a moment to blink up at the sunlight pouring in through a skylight overhead before turning to the mirror over the sink to examine his current appearance. Still on the skinny side, even if he was starting to put a healthy bit of weight back on, shoulders caught in a defensive hunch where he’d once stood straight, just a little too much white showing around his eyes. There was some measure of comfort to the thought that Ruka had been attracted to what he used to look like, rather than the cagey, waifish creature he’d become. But at the same time, he was worried that he could never be that person again; that he would never remember how it felt to be confident or secure again. He had been distorted into what he was now by force… could he change back? Ruka exerted no force over him, and so would impose no change that Kyo didn’t embrace himself.

Kyo had to change himself. Had to remember how to exert his will and take control of himself.

It was fairly convenient that he’d come to this realization in Ruka’s bathroom, rather than his own, since this one was significantly better stocked. He set the photograph down, out of harm’s way because it seemed important somehow, and shut the door before rooting through cabinets and drawers until he had everything he needed, then set to work. It was a quick enough process; he knew exactly what he wanted to do, he’d done it several times before, and had never felt any particular need to be precise at all. A dark puddle formed rapidly around his feet, spreading with absolutely no regard for the plush white bathroom mat he was standing on. Still, Ruka returned to the bedroom before he was quite finished, and he heard the soft rattle of dishes on the tray that the alpha used to carry Kyo’s meals around.

“…Kyo?”

It was still weird for him, hearing Ruka call him by his name, but he supposed if he was going to be here for the foreseeable future, the man had to call him _something_. “What?”

“Oh, there you are. I… I brought you breakfast.”

Kyo just kept at what he was doing. Of course Ruka had brought him breakfast. Ruka _always_ brought him breakfast. After a minute, there was the faintest whisper of a hand touching the bathroom door and he glanced at it briefly before focusing back on the mirror for the finishing touches.

“…Are you okay in there? Do you feel sick?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You didn’t look well yesterday…”

Kyo hummed thoughtfully to himself, taking a step back to examine his work critically. His hair was now back to how it used to be; short up the sides and back, just a little longer on the top, kind of choppy all over. Nearly black, even with the sunlight from overhead catching in deep, coffee-colored highlights, but the blond he’d worn before hadn’t been all that important to him. The cut made him look a little older, stripped away the obscuring curtain and revealed more of the angles of his face and jaw line. Overall, it was better, he decided. Much better. Although he was a touch miffed that holding his arm up for all of fifteen or twenty minutes left it shaking and fatigued. Twisting around this way and that, looking at his body from different angles, he wondered if it would be worth it to get back into shape again. It hadn’t been easy to get the tone and definition he’d had in that picture, not with his body type, and his motivation for having done so was no longer within his reach. Still, he hated to look so… _soft_.

“…Kyo?” Ruka prompted again, sounding even more worried than before.

Kyo sighed and yanked the door open, turning to glare at the alpha. “ _What?_ ”

Ruka staggered a bit and jerked back, startled, then went very still when he registered the change in the smaller man, mouth parting and eyes widening just a bit. Kyo’s glare faded into a frown after a minute when Ruka only continued to gape at him and it occurred to him that he was only wearing the boxers he’d slept in. Sure, Ruka had seen him naked before, but suddenly his underwear seemed a painfully inadequate shield. He saw how sharply the alpha’s eyes fixed on him in that moment, and between the relative heat of the room and their close proximity, he could _smell_ the slow flare of Ruka’s arousal stirring. An answering warmth swelled deep in his own belly and he swallowed, knowing exactly what it was and what it meant. He took half a step backward only to remember that he was standing in the bathroom and there was nowhere to go; this wasn’t his room, wasn’t his _sanctuary_ , and there was no promise of safety or control here.

“Ruka?” he prodded, feeling cornered and on edge.

Ruka jumped a little, blurting out, “W-words.”

Kyo blinked, completely unsure of what to do with that.

Ruka shook his head as if to clear it, turning to one side awkwardly and scratching the back of his neck. “Ah-haha, umm, I mean, it looks good! Really good, you-… it looks really good. Y-your hair. Especially in… in the sunlight and… stuff. Really… really good.”

Kyo relaxed a shade, out of the alpha’s intent stare, but he was still left feeling insecure. He shifted his weight and spoke, clear and careful, “…I want to eat in my room.”

“Oh… o-of course, yeah, here, I’ll just…” Ruka moved quickly, crossing the room to collect the food tray from the bedside table then heading out of the room with long, fast strides. He gave every impression of a man cursing himself for a particularly stupid faux pas.

Kyo followed the alpha downstairs, darting through the doorway of his room as soon as it was clear and feeling like he could breathe easier the moment he passed over the threshold. He felt safe, here, and was more than a little surprised to realize that that feeling wasn’t really diminished by Ruka’s presence at all. Settling into the middle of his bed, legs crossed underneath himself and a blanket drawn over his lap, the omega picked up his breakfast tray and balanced it on his knees to eat. Thick slices of toast, fried eggs, and two little strips of ham, with a cup of juice today instead of tea. Kyo had to assume that Ruka was still trying to figure out what he liked, when he continued to bring something different for every meal. The alpha looked pleased, as always, when Kyo ate what had been made for him, but seemed to be hovering now more than usual. Lingering by the side of the bed, standing when he usually sat on the floor, clearly indecisive about something. Kyo only watched him, waiting.

“Can I-…” Ruka started, then faltered and grimaced, somewhat apologetically.

 “…What?” Kyo prompted, wondering what line the taller man was so worried to cross.

“Can I… touch… it?”

The omega froze halfway through a bite of toast, eyes narrowing. _Touch_ was a hell of a line indeed.

“Your hair, I mean,” Ruka clarified quickly, looking very much like he knew the gravity of what he was asking for. “Nothing else. It just… it’s so… _different_ from before. It’s okay if not, I just-… Please?”

Kyo stared for a long moment before finishing the bite, chewing slowly as he considered the request. His first immediate thought was that Ruka could go right ahead on and fuck himself, because Kyo did not want to be touched by anyone who wasn’t another omega. But he did want to be touched. He was going _mad_ with want for physical contact with another human being. Ruka wasn’t an omega, so that implicit feeling of trust and solidarity was absent, but he was familiar and had thus far given Kyo little reason to doubt him. After all, if Ruka was going to do anything untoward, he had the perfect opportunity last night when Kyo had slept in his bed. Still, though… _hands_ … Being actively touched by the alpha’s hands was very different from sleeping wrapped around his inert frame. Plus there was that unnerving moment before to consider; when all of Ruka’s disarming awkwardness and soft consideration had suddenly sharpened into obvious desire.

But he did _so_ want to be touched… And he decided that maybe this was just another thing he wanted to take from Ruka, in spite of how very eager the alpha was to give it.

Swallowing his bite, Kyo set his toast down and shifted until he was sitting on the forward edge of the bed, fingers curled tight around the sides of the food tray. Ruka’s eyes widened slightly in disbelief – meeting the omega’s gaze, seeking confirmation – and when he received the barest of nods, he looked entirely incredulous, as though he’d been given some kind of incredible gift. He was careful when he reached out; slow and so very, very careful, but when he finally made contact, Kyo couldn’t help but take in a tiny, shuddering gasp of air, and the alpha hesitated for a moment. When there was no further ill response, Ruka pressed on, threading his fingers through the short, glossy strands to rub and massage just a little, and all the breath in Kyo’s lungs flowed out in single gust. The omega’s eyelids fluttered and he pressed into the hand, soaking up the simple touch, and the hand pressed back, warm and solid, palm smoothing against the side of his face and head.

It wasn’t enough. It was so much, almost overwhelming, and it was good – so incredibly good Kyo could hardly stand it – but it wasn’t nearly enough. Ruka’s hand was soft but it was strong, supportive, and he wanted it all over himself; cradling his neck, stroking down his arm, wrapped around his waist, _everywhere_. Kyo’s skin was crawling, his belly quivering with need and again, he knew what it was, _again_ , he knew what it meant. His heat was coming on. Not today and not tomorrow, but after that… things were so up in the air, and it was never an easy thing to pin down exactly, but he’d thought he had more time. Although he supposed it made little difference in the end. There was nothing he could do to prepare for it or hold it off in any way; it was going to happen whenever his body decided it was going to happen and he had no control over the matter. He’d come to terms with that five years ago, when he’d first hit puberty. What would Ruka do when it came, he wondered. Would he stop asking for permission? Stop obliging Kyo’s demands? Stop _giving_ and just _take_ what he had _paid for?_

Would he stop being Ruka and become the alpha Kyo had spent so long afraid of? And for that matter… who would Kyo be, that day?

Ruka smiled and stepped back, whispering, “Thank you, Kyo.”

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

The routine changed, over the next couple of days. Kyo still spent his days in his room, but he began sleeping in Ruka’s bed every night. The mornings were always unnerving until he could get back to his sanctuary, but he absolutely could not sleep or even relax after dark unless he was wrapped tight against the taller man’s side. And Ruka had taken to asking Kyo’s permission to touch him at every meal time; careful, tentative requests that always specified the most innocuous body parts he could think of. Kyo allowed it some of the time, and to a certain extent. He let Ruka touch his hair, the sides of his face, his feet, and his hands, but not his tattoos or his mouth or the front of his neck or his arms above the wrist. He noticed, on the second day, that he actually looked forward to the brief moments of physical contact around dinner time, and realized that it was because part of him missed Ruka’s scent after his showers washed it away. Ruka seemed to need it more those times as well, and Kyo assumed that it was for similar reasons. With every interaction, the nervous tension between them mounted.

In the youngest hours of the morning of the tenth day, Kyo woke feeling feverish and restless. It didn’t occur to him right away what had roused him, until a lazy shift of his hips dragged his boxers against his front and the slight friction sent screaming, burning need blazing low in his belly. He knew exactly what it meant, and the instant comprehension struck, he panicked. He panicked because he didn’t know if Ruka was going to wake up, smell his heat, and just pin him down and _fuck_ him. He panicked because he couldn’t be sure he would even want to try to stop Ruka if he did. He panicked because he’d never been anywhere near an alpha during a heat, but even now, at the first leading edge of it, Ruka smelled and felt absolutely _incredible_. Clamping his hands over his nose and mouth, both to silence his harsh panting and to keep from being undone by his alpha’s scent, Kyo slid out of the bed as carefully as he could and struck out desperately for his own room. He’d be safe there, he knew; safe to try to ride it out.

The moment his bedroom door shut behind him, Kyo shucked his underwear and wrapped one hand around his already half hard cock, squeezing it roughly and biting back a strained groan. Gods, he needed; he needed so badly it _hurt_. Blindly, he staggered in the general direction of his bed, and when his knees hit the mattress, he just let himself fall forward onto it, hips grinding into the blankets of their own accord when fabric brushed over his oversensitive tip. A high-pitched whine poured past his lips as he slid his knees up onto the bed one at a time, his back instinctively curving into an arch to round out his ass and present his entrance to no one. He felt a trail of warm lubricant dribble out of him, trickling down the back of one thigh, and reached back with his free hand to shove two fingers into himself, fire coursing through his blood at even that woefully inadequate penetration. He curled his fingers – all of them – and his entire body shuddered at the dual sensations. Panting into the blanket his face was pressed into, he slammed the digits in and out of himself, trying to reach deeper, trying to fill the aching void inside him, hips bucking and rocking back against his knuckles with every stroke.

It was hell. It was always hell, when his heats struck; he couldn’t think, could barely _breathe_ through his body shrieking its cravings, and no matter how many times he came or how hard, it was never enough. And this time he swore it was so much worse. For hours, he writhed on the bed, sobbing and moaning and twisting himself into every possible position to try to loosen the horrible knot of lightning buried so deep inside of him, feeling it lingering _just_ out of reach no matter what he did. His blood boiled and his skin shivered and his body flushed, glistening with so much sweat, lubricant, and cum and there was no rest, not once, no matter how his arms ached in their motions and his legs quivered with fatigue from constant tension. The need was all there was, all that mattered, all that _existed_. The bi-annual onslaught of hormones was the one consequence of his being that he loved just as much as he hated; it was hell, but it was _his_ , and it was excruciating, but it was utterly euphoric.

Time didn’t exist in the omega’s room, caught as he was on the perpetual edge of ecstasy and emptiness, but outside of his sanctuary, it flowed on just as always. The sun began its steady climb overhead, the white flowers in the backyard shrank back into their buds to escape the heat and light of the awakening day, and Ruka – with all of his awkward optimism and good intentions – tried to bring Kyo breakfast. The soft click of the door being opened never really made it through past Kyo’s harsh panting and strained groan of almost-relief as more clear cum spattered up his stomach and chest, but the sound of the tray and dishes hitting the floor a split second later couldn’t be ignored. He was on his back at that moment, legs spread wide and knees hitched up to make room for one hand to milk his cock and the other to bury three fingers and at least two knuckles as deep into his ass as he could reach. Judging by the stunned look on Ruka’s reddening face and the hands lingering in midair as if unaware that they’d already dropped their burden, it also granted for one hell of a view from the doorway.

That or the alpha had just walked into a near-tangible wall of “rut me, _now_ ” pheromones. Likely both.

“Unhh…” Kyo breathed, releasing the gasp he’d sucked in at the onset of his orgasm and held throughout.

“Hng-” Ruka choked, shifting madly between that over-intense stare of attraction that had so unnerved Kyo the morning he’d cut his hair, and something that almost looked like fear.

The moment held for a long time, thick and still as amber. Kyo, wild-eyed, his entire body sticky-slick with his own vulgar messes, laid bare and spread open in the most tempting display. Ruka, tense and wavering, as if everything he’d ever wanted in life was right in front of him, but it was in the middle of a bear trap. But that moment was all Kyo could stand before the electricity was dancing across his skin once more. He bit his bottom lip, drawing his fingers out of his passage and curling them to scoop a slick glob of lubricant out of himself. Letting it drip down over his palm, he brought it up to smear over his cock, snarling his frustration at the knowledge that _anything he did would never be enough_. Ruka made another deeply-strained noise and turned away with so much effort that his long limbs nearly locked up in protest, his every movement halting and forced. He was clearly aroused, and even if Kyo couldn’t see it in the growing bulge at his crotch, he could certainly smell it on the air shifting into the room. Over-sensitized, he could damn near _taste_ it, and it tasted phenomenal.

Baser instincts flared with recognition. Ruka was familiar. Ruka was a provider. Kyo took all that he wanted and needed from Ruka.

Ruka got all of three steps down the hallway before Kyo slammed into him, knocking him into a wall and then onto the ground. The alpha couldn’t help himself – and he tried; he tried so hard his entire body _quaked_ – but the second Kyo’s weight landed on top of him, his hips snapped up against the smaller man’s. The omega ground down into him immediately, baring his teeth and hissing as he felt every single thread and button of Ruka’s pants rub against him. It was the cruelest tease, tracing the outline of a cock that he could so clearly imagine filling him to the brim he damn nearly felt the phantom of it pressing him open, and every centimeter of his flesh wept for more, more, _more_. Heat spread over Ruka’s crotch, cool at the edges as Kyo’s fluids soaked into the fabric keeping him from doing what every cell in his body screamed at him to do. And if not for the seething fire in the omega’s eyes and the pure, furious desperation twisting his features as he fought just as hard to hold himself back, Ruka would have given in in a heartbeat.

Kyo pressed his palms hard against the taller man’s chest, leaning down to growl, “Do you want me?”

“Yes,” Ruka breathed instantly.

Kyo snarled and ground into him again, forcing groans out of them both. “Do you want me?! You son of a bitch, do you want to fuck me?!”

Ruka’s eyes rolled back and he cried out, “YES! Gods, yes, please, yes, I want you, I want you!”

“This wasn’t meant to be for you! This was supposed to be special, supposed to be something I could give to someone I loved and who loved me back!” The omega shook his head hard, near tears with need and turmoil and anguish and so, so much need. “But you’re what I have, so just… just promise me something?”

“Anything,” Ruka swore fervently.

“Just let me pretend? Just… just fuck me like you love me.”

Ruka stared for a moment, stunned by the tiny glimpse of something so much softer and more vulnerable under Kyo’s perpetual shield of sharp edges and harsh words. Then he processed the words “fuck me” and lost any ability he may have once had to control himself. He lunged up, catching Kyo’s face in both hands and kissing him with absolutely everything he had. And suddenly, both of them were moving, constantly moving, endlessly moving; Ruka squirmed around until his back was to the wall, Kyo tore blindly at the alpha’s pants, hips lifted and pressed, legs bent and toes curled and backs arched. But it wasn’t until Kyo dropped himself onto Ruka’s cock – fully impaling himself and finally, _finally_ striking that ball of lightning inside of him straight to the core – that their kiss broke. And in that moment, Kyo forgot death-clouded eyes and purple lips and tasers and he threw his head back to loose an almost inhuman scream of triumph.

That first penetration was enough to topple him over the razor’s edge again, and he came hard against Ruka’s stomach but it didn’t slow him for more than a handful of shuddering seconds. Bracing his arms against the wall on either side of the taller man’s head, Kyo set a frantic pace riding Ruka, rising up on his knees until just the tip was inside of him and then slamming back down to the hilt, driven impossibly deeper by the alpha’s answering thrusts upward.

And Ruka let him pretend. The alpha kissed him and supported him and caressed him with reverence that seemed almost impossible given the ferocity with which their hips were beating into one another, threading long fingers through his omega’s hair and whispering/groaning his name against his neck. It wasn’t an easy angle, and the wall propping up Ruka’s long body was probably the only reason it was possible at all, but he did it, and Kyo sobbed his gratitude into the taller man’s shoulder even as he bit and clawed at pale skin. He’d never known, never even _imagined_ how indescribably satisfying it was to be with a real, live, flesh-and-blood alpha through his heat. It was everything he’d ever craved, touched every spot inside of him he’d never been able to reach, but that only seemed to stoke the fires burning in his blood. He came, and he rode, and he came, and he rode harder still, and he came again, and when his rhythm faltered on quivering knees, Ruka held him up and maintained their pace, and Kyo came again and again until he was blind with rapture. And when Ruka’s knot finally swelled, locking them together and sealing the flood of his seed deep inside the omega, Kyo only cried out in frustration and clawed at him harder, because he still needed more.

So Ruka – breathless and drained – reached between them to stroke his omega’s cock steadily, using the bare millimeters of give his knot left him to keep pressing just that tiniest bit deeper into the slick passage gripping him. Kyo panted and groaned, ripping Ruka’s shirt open to mindlessly smear his cum across the alpha’s skin as he moved ceaselessly against the taller man. _His_ Ruka. _His_ alpha. Kyo would take all that he wanted and all that he needed from Ruka, and Ruka would let him.

Kyo’s heat lasted for only three and a half days, but in those days, the omega’s body abided them not a single moment’s rest. They didn’t sleep, they didn’t eat, and they didn’t stop moving, ever, because Kyo simply couldn’t stand it. Halfway through the first day, Ruka managed to get them into the kitchen, and during some of the slightly slower periods when his knot made it impossible to move quite as wildly, he managed to get a few deep gulps of sports drinks into the both of them. The alpha tried only once to shift their positions to something a little less awkward, but Kyo immediately snarled and shoved him back down, his movements becoming even fiercer and more demanding until he felt certain Ruka wouldn’t try it again. In time, Kyo’s biting and clawing subsided to simple clinging. Ruka’s kisses and steadying caresses never ceased so long as he had the breath or energy to do either. More than once, a kiss was so deep and so sweet, Kyo would cry the moment his mouth was freed, and Ruka would stroke his hair and murmur his name.

And it was still hell. Like every heat had ever been, but so much more; so much more excruciating, so much more euphoric, so much more _his_. It was hell and it was heaven and it was everything in between and all Kyo could think was that if it ever ended, if Ruka ever let him go and this moment was ever taken from him… surely, he would die.

***

Kyo didn’t know what day it was when he woke up. He could see from the grey coming in through the sliding glass doors that the sun was either setting or rising outside, and he knew that he was sore, exhausted, and _starving_. There was an unfamiliar contentment weighing heavy in his bones that he thought was a nice feeling to have right after a mating cycle. But, after a moment’s reflection, he also felt…

Understanding bloomed and his heart sank under the weight. Like it had suddenly turned to lead, it just dropped and kept going until it hit his stomach and made him sick with despair. Pulling himself out of Ruka’s loose grip, he looked down at the man who’d purchased him. Sleeping peacefully, covered in hickeys and finger-shaped bruises and more than a few scratches, streaks of dried cum cracking and peeling off of his skin. Slowly, Kyo rose to his feet, nearly collapsing halfway up when his knees tried to give up, just barely able to catch himself on the counter before making his unsteady way to the back door. The humidity of the past couple weeks had finally given way to a torrential rain, and he slid the door open to step quietly into the downpour. It was warm and he turned his face up into it. His hands lifted absentmindedly to settle over his lower abdomen, palms and fingers spread flat against slick skin, and as the world slowly darkened, he searched the stormy sky for answers. He didn’t know if he was crying, or if it was just the rain on his cheeks.

Ruka appeared behind him in a matter of minutes, hovering at arm’s length and worriedly whispering, “Kyo…?”

And Kyo stared at the sky, his expression becoming steadily more hopeless. “Isn’t… isn’t it supposed to feel different?”

“…What do you mean?”

“They always said… it’s… I should be able to feel it, right? If I’m…”

Ruka waited for the omega to finish, but when he couldn’t, he filled in the blank gently. “Pregnant?”

Kyo flinched, his arms folding tighter around his stomach, and nodded.

Ruka’s face turned down in sympathy. He wasn’t a doctor yet, but this much was basic healthcare knowledge. “The… vast majority of omegas can tell right after the heat, yes. There are some rare cases where it takes a couple of extra days to manifest and… you’re on an abnormal cycle as it is, so it’s possible that you may be one of those… but…”

Ruka couldn’t finish and Kyo didn’t need him too. His mouth twisted down, lips quivering just slightly, and after a moment, his legs finally gave out underneath him. On his knees in the wet grass, he sank into a miserable slump eyes squeezing shut as he tried to process that information. He remembered the auctioneer, announcing that he was being sold at a discount, because he was flawed. He remembered Hakuei, demanding to know what he was worth if he couldn’t even breed. He remembered Kaoru, fat and glowing and smelling so wonderful, and thought to himself that even if he’d never chosen this, never chosen Ruka, that after all he’d been through, to be denied the gift of baring life that was supposed to be his one true birthright… A choked sob fell past his lips and Ruka’s knees settled quietly into the spongy earth behind him, arms coming up to wrap  around him. He tugged against them once – an automatic test to ensure he wasn’t being restrained – but when the alpha loosened his grip accordingly, he sank back against the taller man and huddled against him.

“It was your first time, Kyo. Plenty of omegas don’t get pregnant until the second or sometimes even the third cycle. It doesn’t mean anything,” Ruka murmured into the hair above his ear.

“But what if it does?” Kyo breathed, shaking against his hurt. “What-… what if I’m really-… what if I never-?!”

“Then you never. If you want, we can try fertility treatments, or we can adopt. Whatever makes you happy. I’m fine either way; I didn’t bring you here just so you could make babies for me. I just wanted you.”

Kyo jerked away and turned around to stare at Ruka, who only smiled at him. Ruka, who never tried to control him, who always wanted to know what he liked, who spent just a ridiculous sum of money on damaged merchandise because he thought Kyo had a “resilient soul.” Ruka, who only ever seemed concerned with his omega’s happiness, even when it came at his own expense; who looked at him like he was the most incredible treasure, even though he was broken. Ruka, who just didn’t want to be alone. Settling back into the taller man’s arms, sniffling quietly and pretending his tears were rain as he watched the night flowers bloom in spite of the foul weather, he thought to himself that his was the least alpha alpha he’d ever met. And maybe that was exactly the kind that he would have chosen for himself, had he been given the choice.

“…Make me an omelette?” he mumbled, only a little bit brusquely. “Not now, but… later.”

The alpha beamed and nuzzled against his new Mate’s hair fondly. “Anything you want.”

“But I want a less stupid-looking one,” Kyo huffed.

“I’ll do my best,” Ruka promised earnestly.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well! That was about twice as long as I intended it to be... particularly considering the entire thing was basically an elaborate set-up for me to use the line "fuck me like you love me."


End file.
